Chris Markiewicz's Blog
Every Monday – thoughts, observations and ideas that hold up a mirror to who & how we are

Violence


I’ve always considered myself to be a peace loving, non-violent kind of person. Admittedly, I fall short of being all hippy about it, but I’m certainly not the type to throw my weight around or get into fights. In fact, I don’t recall ever actually having been in a physical fight – even in my schooldays. I don’t even have any idea how it feels to punch someone in the face.

I think though, that I have that potential in me. I think we all do.

I came close the other evening when I lost my temper. The root of it involved another person not listening to me. I blew big time. Whilst my outburst didn’t involve any kind of physical contact or violence, it had a huge impact on the people around me. It also shook me up, given it was so “out of character”.

It’s as if the being ignored and dismissed somehow pushed me into that particular reaction.

The incident  reminded me how much of the violence in the world may have its roots in people not feeling heard. How often might it be that individuals or groups turn to violence through the sheer frustration of being ignored?  I’m certain this is what has lain behind so many of the uprisings across the globe in recent years.

Violence is by no means OK. However, it may be that bit more understandable if we each recognize that part of us that may be capable of it.

If, on the one hand I make a greater effort to listen to and understand others, then the potential for loss of temper or violence on their part  is greatly diminished if not wiped out. It needn’t involve caving in and agreeing with the other party, but trying to understand their view and working towards a solution.

The alternative? A punch in the face, or its non physical equivalent. Not so good.

Peace, brothers and sisters.

.

www.chrismarkiewicz.com                 chris@chrismarkiewicz.com

TRAINING – COACHING – FACILITATION – SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS

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3 Responses to “Violence”

  1. Yes, yes, and thrice yes! I’m certainly becoming more and more aware of the ball of impotent fury inside myself when I feel I’m not heard. It’s good to know I’m not the only one. And your suggested solution, to make more effort to hear and listen to others, resonates with me. Thanks, Chris.

  2. Hi “Jazzcica” -love the expression “ball of impotent fury”- very apt and powerful. Glad my piece hit the spot for you ( please excuse use of the word “hit”! ). Chris

  3. Chris – Do you remember “Relationship Awareness Training (RAT)” – Blues, Reds, Greens and Hubs? Under conflict, we all tend to react in a sequence of 3 main stages. Those whose last position under conflict is Red tend to find it very uncomfortable to challenge, and a really low “score” for Red under conflict is where violence lives. I used to take anyone with a Red score under 10 aside during the break and ask “When was the last time you lost your temper?” Usually the answer was like “20 years ago” … then I asked “What happened to the other person?” The answer was usually along the lines “3 weeks in hospital”. It’s not the hot, noisy, assertive types who resort to violence, it’s those for whom it is “completely out of character” (… or those who live permanently in a state of unresolved conflict of course) Your score for Red under conflict is not that low, so the explosion was less dramatic! Like all these trainings, RAT is just a rough guide, but it was always a revelation to participants, and still going strong.


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