Chris Markiewicz's Blog
Every Monday – thoughts, observations and ideas that hold up a mirror to who & how we are

A lesson from The King

I have a strong need to be liked.

 This applies in both my personal and professional life. Given this need it would be wonderful to know that I am liked by everyone. However,  I’m certain this will not be the case. It ain’t personal – I doubt there is anyone on the planet who is universally liked.

 I was chatting with a buddy a while back, mildly grumbling because I had lost a piece of work to another trainer. I was finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that the client had chosen someone else in preference to myself.

 Simon, my mate simply said the following:

 “ Chris, there are probably more people in the world who disliked Elvis and his music than who liked him”

 What an amazing way of putting things in perspective. If that applies to the King of rock n roll, then what’s to worry about?

 If I expect to be universally liked I’m on a hiding to nothing – there will always be people, whether clients, course participants or those in my personal life, who will simply not click with me or take to what I have to offer.

 Going through life emitting an energy of wanting to be liked and wanting to please everyone I come into contact with, will carry a strong risk of backfire. People are likely to feel mistrust towards me and ironically will avoid engaging or doing business with me.

 Most important – as covered in one or two previous posts – is to like myself. I’m no Elvis, and, despite having the looks and the voice,  don’t aspire to be (for one thing, I’d have kicked the bucket a few years back), but it’s reassuring to know that I do have this in common with him and other successful people out there.

 You may be wondering whether I like Elvis? Not particularly. However, I’m pretty certain he won’t be too worried about that. I hope he liked me though.           


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6 Responses to “A lesson from The King”

  1. Hi Chris

    A great message this Monday – we all need to feel liked as you say and to feel that you are not liked is very debilitating to the spirit but again it is about us and how we feel about ourselves that makes the difference. Its the old, would you buy a used car from this person? And sometimes its easier to not try and just hide which is no solution, particularly if you are Billy No Mates. I have met a lot of lonely people lately through CRUSE whose world is very isolated who maybe cannot even begin to consider that they are liked / loved.

    One of my current theories is about busyness – I have noticed so much more about the details of every day that I missed w hen working fulltime and having to time to – stop and stare – does put a different perspective on things – but most folk are busy busy and naturally their relationships with others outside their families takes a back seat to the main action so to speak and sometimes not getting the response you want from others is much more to do with them than you.

    Re – readingt his its a bit of a rambling message – sorry – anyway hope you have a happy and successful week.


  2. As ever, Chris, right to the point.
    We all want to be liked, as Tina said. However, I think that sometimes we don’t always behave in that was. How often do we do or say things that we would be less than willing to accept in others. In fact the things we are least tolerant of are often the faults that mirror our own weaknesses.
    Perhaps the message here is to only behave in a way we would like others to behave with us. If we could achieve that, I think our world would be a happier and more peaceful place to live and work.
    Keep up the great writing.

  3. Neat post Chris!

    Within the training context I’ve got a trainer buddy who often says (if only sometimes to himself) “I’m not here to be liked, I’m here to be useful”. Difficult concept to apply sometimes, but sound eh?

    Best wishes


  4. Its a very interesting issue – it prompted another question. Would I rather be liked or respected. Well the obvious answer is both if that can be achieved. If I had to choose one, I think I would take respect every time. Lets face it, there are people who we really enjoy being around and some less so. A lot of this is to do with the “chemical reaction” between two people. Now there are lots of people who I really respect and don’t dislike, but may choose not to go on a golfing holiday with them, or have a night out at the pub with. It’s just that the chemical reaction between us may not be there, or our values, attitudes and beliefs may clash a wee bit. I also think that there are levels of “likeness”, perhaps another way of looking at it is that I doubt that any of us would wish to be disliked !

    PS.. I doubt that the manager at my local Tesco Express likes me very much. I arrived last week in “dog walking” gear just to pick up some bread & milk but absent minded as I can be, forgot to bring some money. I explained that I would be back within a couple of hours with the money and asked if I could take the said bread/milk with me. The staff on the counters all knew me (not personally) as my wife and I probably nip in there 4-5 times per week. Now imagine my reaction when he pondered the situation and started to shake his head. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I was rude, but I did explain to him what great customer service is, and that it might have been worth taking a risk for the £2 that I owed them. I left shaking my head, totally frustrated by Mr Jobsworth. Now, do I dislike Mr Jobsworth, no I don’t, insufficient evidence. Do I really like him, probably no as well given my interaction with him. Do I respect him, in part no because I didn’t get what I wanted, in part yes because he stood up to me and defended his corner (dodgy as that may be). By the way, I went to Sainsbury’s today instead, may have taken me an extra 2 minutes, and Ros went there yesterday ! But, … I am sure Mr Jobsworth can sleep at night becaus he properly and accurately followed the rules !

    Keep them coming

  5. I suspect that Elvis was massivley more needy than ordinary people – that his terrible lack of self esteem destroyed him. I also suspect that level of needyness is esential in a global superstar. All the great icons need their fans more than their fans need them. You could make a fortune coaching worried superstars!

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